Well hello 40 weeks (plus 3 days), we meet again.
(This picture is actually from a week ago, so let’s call it 39.5)
So yes, I am overdue, but that’s ok. Having been here before (in case you’ve forgotten, or are new around here, Ellie was 10 days over), I am not terribly surprised that I am still large and quite pregnant. And truthfully, it’s kind of been a blessing. I was remarking to Ben today that I have been surprised at how much time I have actually needed to decompress from what truly was the busiest 4 months of my work life ever. It has really only felt like the last 2 or 3 days have me feeling relaxed and ready to welcome this baby into our family.
Also, the stomach flu hit our home last weekend. And if you know me at all, this is probably one of my biggest fears. I truly do have a phobia of vomit, and I’ve always feared the day that the bug hits our house, and hits all of us. But, it really was a mild case, and we all survived. Ellie threw up once Thursday night, and was chipper as ever on Friday (Which made us wonder if it really was a bug, or just something she ate), but when I was up Saturday night hanging over the toilet, I found myself thinking “well…at least we know it wasn’t something she ate!”. I only barfed twice, but when it happens in the middle of the night, it just wipes you out the next day. Sunday night saw Ben bolt out of bed around 2 am, which, if you know me at all, meant that I was also up at 2 am. And although he only threw up once and went back to bed, I was up for a while, calming my nerves – because seriously people, I really can’t handle other people I love being sick. So, all that to say – it was a mild case of a bug – and it really just required a few days of extra rest, and boy oh boy in those days was I ever thankful that I wasn’t in labour, or at home with a 2 day old baby. But, it did set us back a few days, and only by Wednesday did I feel, once again, like we were ready for this little one to make their appearance.
Enough about barf though. Let’s talk about how our December calendar is WIIIIIIDE open. And it’s kind of nice. Sure, there are a few “tentatives” on there, Christmas parties, concerts, dinners with friends, but understandably, everything is up in the air (hence the reason I’m blogging on a Friday night, instead of tearing up the town), and I kind of love it. We have so needed a stretch of days like this, and the things that are pencilled in the calendar, are all so fun. Brings a smile to my face it does.
People keep asking how Ellie is handling this pending transition, and oh gosh you guys is she ever sweet. Every night she asks to pray for the baby, and then she lifts up my shirt, puts her little hands on my belly and says “oh, there’s something here!” and then she’ll move her hands to another spot on my stomach and say “and I feel something here!”. She loves feeling around for the baby, and I love her soft, little fingers pressing on my tummy. She has started this thing where she loves to nuzzle, which basically means she loves rubbing her nose against our noses, or her dolls’ noses. And lately, she’s really loved nuzzling with the baby (by rubbing her nose against my stomach). I realize that reading this paragraph makes us sound like the schmoopiest family out there, but I don’t care. It’s dang sweet.
I don’t know how she’s actually be once the baby comes, and I am anticipating some of the typical attention seeking behaviours, and the like, but overall, she is a sweet girl, with a sweet heart, who will make a wonderful big sister.
How am I feeling? (another frequent question). I’m feeling pretty good, and again, can’t really complain. (I know, I say the same thing every time). There are the odd aches and pains, and if I DID want to complain, I would tell you about the groin charley-horses that I keep getting. You know what a charley horse is right? That excruciating pain of a muscle spasm that usually hits your leg or feet muscles that makes you wonder how the heck you can deal with labour if you can’t even handle one of these? Yeah. Those. Anyway - I’ve been getting them in my groin, which pretty much renders me useless for a the few moments that they last. And boy, do I EVER look ridiculous when they come, because I instantly just keel over and stop doing whatever it was that I was doing. I won’t miss those, that’s for sure.
And about the birth. I am equal parts exciting and filled with trepidation. I know I can do it. And I know that for the most part it was such an incredible day, and an even enjoyable experience. But, I also remember the parts that were hard, and I wonder if I’m as strong enough of a person to handle those hard parts just as well this time around. And then there are the unknowns that I am doing my best to leave out of my mind, and replace those uncertainties with the truths that God made my body to do this, and designed this process to happen, and that ultimately, His plan and hands are all over the arrival of this little one.
And as I was praying about it the other day, I was struck by the thought that this truly is a holy moment. This process of bringing a life into this world. The divine meets humanity. Not in a sacrilegious way, as though I’m claiming my baby is divine. But in the way that this life was formed inside of me by the hand of our God, and as this baby enters the world, I get to play a role in colliding the fingerprints of God with the humanity of this world. And is that ever sacred. So I will look to that, and do my best to revel in his presence as I labour.
So, that’s where we are, here at 40 + weeks. I can’t wait to introduce the littlest Bokma to you all hopefully very soon. But until he/she chooses to make their grand entrance, I will keep re-cleaning things I’ve already cleaned, take lots of naps, and eat hazlenut Lindor chocolates like it’s my job.