You are 5 months old. Truthfully, you are much further on the downward slope toward 6 months than I care to admit, but you aren’t there yet, so this post isn’t that late.
There are lots of reasons for my tardiness Zeke. One of them being the fact that I just don’t seem to have the time to write much these days. By the time you and your sister are sound asleep (and lately, it’s kind of a crapshoot to predict what time of night THAT’s going to happen), I’ve been so fried that all I have the capacity for is an episode of Suits on Netflix. (or Happy Endings, or House of Cards – our current go-to’s these days). (Zeke, you’ll learn quickly that your dad and I binge watch shows on Netflix. But then again, so does everyone else our age. By the time you read this, you and your friends can take notes on how lazy your parents all were when they were younger).
Another reason is that life has actually been VERY BUSY. We have a lot going on in our world these days, and you, my sweet boy are so content to go along for the ride. Between long weekends, projects I’m involved in outside of this house, your dad’s work schedule, a youth retreat, company and visiting people, there hasn’t been a lot of downtime. You continue to prove that you are a go-with-the-flow kind of baby, and for that, I am thankful.
My final reason for this post coming so late is that I’m having trouble knowing what to say. These days with you go by so quickly that there is a blur. And I’m sad about that. I know it’s just a reality of life with multiple kids, and that I’ll never have the luxury of the time I had with Ellie to take in her every move, but kiddo – you need to know that I try.
It hasn’t escaped me that this month, you started making the “ba” noise. And I once again, was reminded how unbelievable it is to have you growing and developing before my eyes. I can’t tell anyone else what an achievement that is (well, except your grandma, who is gracious enough to care when I share the minuscule milestones), because it’s so minor no one else could care, but Zeke, you had better believe that even though you first started making that noise at 3 am when you were having a little party-for-one in your crib, that I lay awake in my own bed grinning like a fool. I could have cared less that it was the middle of the night.
I press the mental pause button everytime I feed you and you look up at me with the biggest brown eyes and just lock them with mine while you eat. You are so content to be near me, and while you take your eating very seriously, I still know what to do to get you to smile while you nurse away. (Ellie would just grin and grin, and the milk would come pouring down her cheeks, but you, my boy, have mastered the art of carrying on with your task while you smile at me. Perhaps that’s why you’re currently the size she was at 10 months)
You continue to tease us with the ability to sleep through the night, and the desire to keep being fed, and truthfully, all I can say is, take your time. You’ll get there. I know you will. And while having 8 solid consecutive hours of sleep is a fantastic luxury, you know what else is pretty sweet? Nuzzling you under my arm while you feed and I just fall back to sleep. You aren’t going to fit there much longer, so I’ll take what I can get. We also finally made the room switch this month, Zeke, so you are a full time resident of your own room. I’m almost embarrassed to admit how much this tugged at my heart as I laid you down in your own bed for the first night. But it’s been good for all of us. I don’t jump to your every beck and call, which has taught you how to put yourself back to sleep without feeding, and you have a bit more freedom to have a middle of the night party, which you seemed to enjoy doing for an hour or so quite a few nights this month.
As blended as these days may seem Zeke, and as sort-of-sad as I am about not having the crispest of details about each of your days, it doesn’t change the amount of times I try and soak you in. I have lost count of the number of times I peek on you sleeping, and just resting my hand on you, so I can be as close as possible to you without you waking. I will never ever ever tire of the all consuming smile that takes over your face as we interact. And quite possibly my favourite thing about you is how you reach out to grab our faces. I’ll put my face as close to yours, for as many times as you’d like little boy if it means feeling your chubby little hands against my cheek.
You are etching yourself onto my heart daily, sweet boy.
Happy 5 months.