I guess maybe, I should do some work now.

Well, we’re back.  The summer WHIPPED by and now all of the sudden, it’s August 20th, and I’m wondering how the heck I’m supposed to get three months worth of work  to prepare for the fall done in three weeks. 

We have had a fantastic summer, albeit, busy. I do actually intend on writing about each part of our trips – but I also kind of felt like I should maybe just put something up here on this space, before I lose all of you.   I mean, I realize that it will take my mom a long time before she bails on reading this blog…but even she has her limits.  

So, as a quick re-cap – here’s been the last three months for us:

End of June (June 25-28) - Trip to Pittsburgh to celebrate three whole years together.

Two weeks later (July 11-25) - Left for Big Trout Lake where I spent two weeks up at a native reserve with a team from our church. (that one was just me…Ben was left to fend for himself for two weeks.  He did pretty well and was only found wandering the streets aimlessly with one sock on once)

6 days after that (July 31-Aug 10) - Left for Nova Scotia.  We left Friday after work and drove through the night, getting us to Ben’s parents in record time.  (Although I don’t know how – I could have sworn that during my driving shifts I always went the speed limit…especially at 3 am when the roads were wide open…)  We spent 9 days there – having SUCH a great time with Ben’s family and my birth family.  We crammed in a lot!

2 days later (August 12-15) – Canoe trip with a family from our church.  We spent four days up in Algonquin in the most perfect weather surrounding by what, in my opinion, was a most perfect creation. 

And so now, here we are, with two weeks left in August.  If you need to find me, I’ll be holed up in my apartment, frantically trying to plan an entire semester’s worth of events and teaching topics.  See you soon!

Maybe one day I’ll have time to blog again

Hi people.  I realize that the amount of blogging I’ve done this summer so far is pretty laughable – and I’d like to say that it will change sometime soon, but I think that might be a lie.

Currently I’m in Nova Scotia on holidays, soaking in lots of rest, sun and some delicious mother-in-law food.  This summer has been a whirlwind, being gone for two weeks to Big Trout Lake, then only being home 6 days (jam packed, full of fun/work/stuff days) and then off again on our holiday out east.  By the time I get home from all my adventures, it will be the middle of August.  Somehow, I still feel like it should be June 28th.

I have SO much to say.  So many stories of my time at BTL, thoughts on this trip out east, and I have no doubts there will be stories from the canoe trip we’re taking with some church peeps in a few weeks time….but it will all have to wait.  

I’m guessing that many of you are like me, and are far too busy cramming way too much into your summer to really care what I have to say in the blog-o-sphere.  But I will be back, with stories, pictures and probably several recounts of Ben’s antics.

I hope your summer is going well!  See you in a few weeks (hmmm…I feel like I just said that a few weeks ago…)

Home.

I’m home.  Tired, and a little bit sick, but mostly just really good.  I have so much to think about, process, write and share.  It’s going to take me a while to figure it all out.  We saw lots of brokenness, hurt and sadness.  But we also saw joy, hope and love, in the most abundant of ways.  I still need to figure out how to reconcile those things together, and I’ll be honest, God and I have had to talk through some things that I just don’t get.  But if anything was pounded home to me again, and again, it was that with Christ, things are never hopeless. 

I knew I’d have a good time on this trip, I knew I’d laugh a lot, act crazy with the team and the kids we met, and I knew I’d probably grow on a lot of levels.  And all of those things happened. 

What I didn’t expect was the unbelievable beauty I would see in the people of Kitchenumaykoosib Inninuwug. (Big Trout Lake).   They captured my heart, and nothing brought me more joy each day than seeing these kids get to be kids for a little bit, putting aside the crap that they deal with on a regular basis.

We had so many opportunities to connect with the community on so many levels.  From kids camp, to cheering on the youth at a local ball hockey tournament, to being invited to a cookout of moosemeat and bannock at someone’s home.  We did our best to love, love, love, and yet somehow, we all were filled by the love they showed us. 

Although I was counting down the days to see Ben again, it was a whole lot harder to leave than I thought.  You try leaving when you have a trail of beautiful little kids following you to the airport asking you to stay. 

There will be many more stories, pictures and posts to come, as I soak in all that this experience was for me.  Until I sort through everything going on in my head and heart, here’s a few pictures that maybe will allow you a glimpse into why a little part of home for me is now in Big Trout Lake. 

And I’m Off

Tonight, in 4 hours, I’ll be leaving on a missions trip. Each year, our church heads up to a First Nations Community way-the-heck-up-there in Ontario.  This year, I’m going.  (Hence the first part of that sentence, where I say I’m leaving on a missions trip)

We’re going to Big Trout Lake, to Kitchenuhmaykoosib.  Yeah, I know.  I can’t say it either.  We’ll be there for 2 weeks, running a kids camp, playing some sports, doing a few youth outreaches and just in general, continuing to deepen relationships with a community of people that our church has been friends with for 6 years now. 

I’m getting excited about the trip – but I’ll be honest, I’m not exactly looking forward to the trip up.  We’ll be on a train for 28 hours, and then we’ll catch a few zzz’s on a church floor somewhere in Sioux Lookout, and then, we’ll catch a flight into BTL (did I mention it’s a fly-in community?).  And by “catch a plane” I mean, cram 18 of us onto a 18 seater plane that is probably so small it will pick up any and all turbulence we might face.  fun. times.

Also? 28 hours? Do you know all the places you can go in 28 hours? You can go from Toronto to Miami.  You can also get from here to P.E.I. (with time to spare).  You could probably even fly to Australia.  But nope, we’re staying in Ontario.  (My, what a big province we live in).   I’m not banking on getting too much sleep in the next few days, but oh well, that’s what memories are made of right?? RIGHT??

 

There’s a lot of brokenness in this community; much abuse, rampant suicide and many broken families.  It’s humbling to be a part of a church that knows that it’s not really the 2 weeks we’re there that make a difference.  It’s the year round support through letters, Christmas gifts, friendships and prayer that is bringing light to a really dark place. 

I hope that continues this next two weeks.  That they don’t see “us”.  That they don’t just have fun at a kids camp.  But that they see light, truth and hope, as we point to Christ.

We fly back July 25th.  I’ll see you then! 

Peace out.

Tuesdays

Despite the fact that I get up earlier on Tuesdays than any other day of the week, they still happen to make their way to the top of my list as far as days go. 

I get up with Ben, and then he drives me to work, a whole hour earlier than I actually need to be there (ahh! the joys of one car).  But it’s ok.  I end up using this time to actually be productive and get a head start on my day. (Go figure eh?)

We have staff meetings on Tuesdays.   These are usually a good reminder of how effective we can be when we work as a team.  The staff at our church are all pretty great, and these meetings re-focus, regenerate and encourage us. 

At four, I walk my rear end to the train station and catch a train and then a bus to Hamilton.  Although I always bring a book with me in hopes of being productive, it is inevitable that by the time I get on the bus in Burlington I will purposely pick a seat with no one beside me, then I will stretch out a bit and fully fall asleep.  Sometimes, I’m sleeping so soundly that somone has to wake me up when we reach our destination.  Nothing quite as humbling as having a complete stranger have to shake you awake as you wipe your nap drool off your cheek. 

Ben picks me up, and we drive to a public garden that is near the station.  He packs us a supper each week and we spend some time together, cathing up on our day, having a great picnic, and watching the two middle aged lovers who are always also at the park.  While we’re eating, they’re making out.  We fight the temptation to sing “Lovers in a Dangerous Time” outloud.

I then change in the car into more athletic clothing while we drive to our Ultimate frisbee game.  I have to time the changing of the pants strategically, so we’re not stopped at a red light while I have my shorts still around my ankles for the cars next to me to see.

Then we play ultimate frisbee.  This is good people.  Real good. We still usually win (minus one little glitch in the season),  and have a blast doing it.  I’m still not awesome, but still having a great time with good friends.  It does me good to run around for a few hours, growing at a game that I’m continuing to love. 

After our win, we’ll head out as a team to a local pub and hang out for a while.  I like this.  A lot. We laugh, we usually re-hash the game a bit, we grab fries and we grow as friends.  These people are good for me.  We talk about everything from weddings, to faith, to The Office, to work, to shawarmas.   We don’t see them outside of Tuesday nights, but when we do hang out, it just fits.

Then Ben and I drive home, crash on the couch, and relish in the fact that neither of us has to work until 1 the next day.

These days? They are good.

P-dot.

So I guess I should probably actually tell you about our trip to Pittsburgh, rather than just saying that I’m going to do that and then leave you hanging for a week eh? (annnnd the award for run-on sentence of the night goes to….)

We had a great time.  Seriously great.  Our trip down was awesome – great tunes, food, company and conversation.  As I mentioned in my previous post, we stopped at Grove City on the way into the city and then again on Sunday on our way back home.  that proved to be quite profitable. 

While actually in Pittsburgh (All day Friday and Saturday), we did SO much stuff.  We both felt like we really maximized our time there, seeing lots of the city.  I could give you a rundown of all that we did, but I think that might be a tad boring…so instead, I’ve compiled a list of all of the highlights of our time away**

• Going to a Pirates game. I don’t even really follow baseball, aside from the Jays every now and then.  But they have a pretty sweet ball park, that overlooks the city and the river.  It made for a great atmosphere, and a great way to spend a night in the city.  (Not a bad way to spend $18)

• This guy at the game (the one in the middle, sitting all by himself):

Towards the end, when it was getting obvious the Pirates were going to win, he got pretty excited and felt the need to rub/jiggle his belly quite vigorously.  It was pretty fun to watch.  Here he is mid-jiggle.

• The fact that it was free hat night (because I need another cheap ball cap that I’ll probably never wear).

• Getting into the Fort Pitt Museum for a grand total of 6 dollars.  You know the guy working the front desk is a little desperate for customers when he hacks the price of admission by two thirds. 
• Going to the zoo….and seeing monkeys do X-rated things….like really X rated.  I’d put a picture up here, but I  put one on facebook and already think I’ve tainted too many people’s minds. So I’ll refrain.  Go there if you’re really curious.  And people, I’ve got to tell you – it was pretty funny.  Does that make me a bad person?

• Seeing the most amazing fireworks show ever.  Like really.  I know people say that all the time – “oh that was the best (fill in the blank) ever.”  But I mean it this time.  4 times during the summer they have a fireworks show after a Pirates game, and it just happened to be while we were down there.  We got a great viewing spot on a hill right by the river they were shooting them off of, so we just layed there and watched.  I’ve never been so overwhelmed by sight, sound and feeling before. (You could feel each firework down to your core)
• The fact that our hotel had a continental breakfast with cartons of chocolate milk.  Every day Ben and I would each take 2 or 3 (all secret like, mind you), and then keep them for our lunches that day.  Because that’s how we roll. He is dutch you know.
• Sitting and walking down by the river, multiple times.

• Eating at Red Robin (that’s in honour of you Sheena)
• Hanging out with Sidney for an afternoon.  It had been a while since we’d seen him – he’s been kind of busy, what with parades, being famous and shaving his dirty playoff moustache, but it was nice to catch up with an old friend.  Even if it was just for a few hours. 
• The fact that our hotel check out wasn’t until noon on Sunday.  (Read: we definitely went back to bed after breakfast till 11:30)
• The U of Pittsburgh campus.  So stunning.  The buildings were old, beautiful and historic.

• The school fair we went to in the little hick town of Coraopolis one night on our way back to our hotel. (The small town near our hotel).  Because, why the heck not right?
• The outdoor stone fire pit at our hotel that overlooked the river. 

But no trip is 100% perfect…so here’s a few of the lowlights we encountered..

• Me spilling the ENTIRE contents of my yogurt on my white shirt one day at lunch…and then licking it off my shirt because I didn’t want it to go to waste.
• The slim-jims I bought at the local grocery store.  I was really looking forward to gnawing on a great piece of meat on this roadtrip, so while Ben bought a big ol’  expensive $5 bag of beef jerkey, I spent a whole $0.90 on 3 little Slim Jims.  I mocked him for his expensive purchase, saying that pepperettes were really where it was at.  Well I couldn’t have been more wrong.  I busted one out at the ball game…but after a few bites, I couldn’t hack it anymore.  The fact that it was described as “mechanically pulled chicken” and was oozing grease probably should have tipped me off.

• The un-classy joint we ate dinner at one day.  Ben saw rave reviews for this one restaurant that supposedly had really amazing sandwiches that he wanted to try out. So we did.  It was kind of cool, right in the middle of the market square, surrounded by cobblestone streets and old shops. But it was also surrounded by really loud obnoxious drunk people. And the actual food? Well, I guess the sandwich was ok.  Except for the fact that IT HAD FRENCH FRIES ON IT.  No ham and cheese sandwich should come with french fries on it.  Period.
• The torrential rainstorm we got caught in on the way home.  We seriously might has well have just driven through the lake to get home, because it was ridiculous.  I have never seen so much rain ever…it was scary and although several cars just pulled over, we trucked along at 5 km’s for a long while, my knuckles with a deathgrip on the wheel.

Well, I hope you enjoyed the recap as much as we enjoyed our time away! Overall, our trip was amazing.  We rested, explored, laughed and created memories.  Happy third anniversary to us!

**Disclaimer: there may or may not be a blatant lie somewhere in the highlight reel.

So I’m posting mid vacation. Don’t judge me.

Just a quick update to let you all know we’re in Pittsburgh.  We left Thursday morning at the respectable time of 10 am. That’s what I like about being the age I am.  As a kid, I was always hauled out of bed at a ridiculous hour like 6 just to get an early start on the day.  I’m guessing once we have our own kids, we’ll have to do the same thing.  Probably because it will just take THAT much longer to get anywhere when you’re stopping every hour to pee and eat a snack.   Also – because I think there’s probably a secret book of rules you receive once you’re a parent, and one of those rules is “get your kids up at the crack of dawn whenever you go on holidays”.  I’m not sure, but I’ll let you know once I have kids. 

So, until that happens, Ben and I are just two adults, in our mid-twenties, with no real agenda and the open road ahead of us. So we slept in and got rolling eventually.  It was nice. 

So far it’s been a great time away.  We went shopping on Thursday at Grove City (Outlet Mall extraordinaire).  And people, I think I conquered my record of shopping, since we were at it for 6 and half hours.  If you know me at all, you’ll know that shopping isn’t my favourite thing in the world.  I don’t mind it, and can enjoy it for a bit, but then I reach a certain point where I JUST.DON’T.CARE.ANYMORE.  It is usually at this point that I start telling Ben that whatever it is he wants to buy is probably fine and he should just GET IT ALREADY.  (He’s a thorough shopper, what can I say?).  I also am not a big fan of spending lots of money.  Probably because we don’t have any.  (well, we have some, but not so much of the expendable kind) Thankfully, we didn’t have to spend our money.  Thanks to the flood of ‘09 (Ok, I realize we’re still in 2009, but doesn’t it make it sound like more of an historic event?), we lost quite a few clothes (which may or may not have been on the floor and not hung up like they should have been..). Good ol’ insurance came through for us again and we have a bit of money to spend to replace our lost items.   It made buying a more fun process. 

Grove City was kind to us.  We got deals.  Good ones and lots of them, of the “Pennsylvania-has-no-tax-on-clothes” variety . Would you believe me if I told you we only got through half of the stores?  We’re going to go back on our way out of town just to make sure we don’t miss out on any clothes that were just begging to make their way back to Canada with us.  I’ll keep you posted.

We had a great day yesterday exploring the city.  There will be stories and pictures to come – but since this is our anniversary trip, you can probably expect that I’ll have better things to do than post more blogs. 

See you next week!

Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer

Growing up, I was a pretty bright kid.  Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I always did fairly well in school.  Got good grades, always had glowing reports from my teachers, could interact socially without being awkward, overall, just well adjusted.

 But this post isn’t about that.  Actually the opposite.  I was thinking back the other day to my younger years and I was reminded that there were a lot of everyday, normal nuances that somehow seemed to pass me by.  I just didn’t get the memo apparently.  I’m sure lots of kids are like this, and I guess that’s just part of the process of growing and taking in the world around you, but seriously? Sometimes I think my parents must have thought “this kid is an idiot”.  (Of course in a loving and supportive “but-she’s-our-daughter-and we’re-proud-of-her” way…)

For example:

 I remember once when I was six and having been taught the dangers of saying no to drugs, and also being warned that even “good” medicine needs to be taken properly, and only for the specific illness it’s meant for.  I had a wicked sore throat one day at school.  I went home and told my mom that my throat really hurt.  She wanted to give me something to help me feel better.  But I was unsure about this.  You see I wasn’t 100% sure I had a “sore throat”….maybe my throat just hurt.  And if that was the case, then taking medicine designed to cure a sore throat would be bad for me.  Apparently, in my six year old head there was a huge difference between a sore throat, and having a throat that hurt when I swallow, and until a doctor was going to diagnose me with the right illness, I wasn’t about to get all willy-nilly with medicine.

 Or how about the time when I was convinced that “Don’t drink and drive” campaigns were solely in place to ensure that you didn’t spill whatever you were drinking, because you were also driving.  And how I may or may not have panicked one day big time, when my dad got McDonald’s and then proceeded to continue to drink his pop WHILE driving me around.  I KNOW.  Don’t worry, I gave him a what for.

 Then there were the Easter seasons that I was certain that as we reflected on Jesus dying on cross, he was actually being crucified over on the other side of the world.  I thought this was an annual event, and I couldn’t understand why someone wouldn’t just STOP THE INJUSTICE ALREADY.  (I was really young….and also, apparently, a little slow)

 I can also clearly remember waking up on my sixth birthday at my grandparent’s house in Saskatoon. (we were visiting). I probably spent a good half an hour standing beside every.single.piece. of furniture they owned just to see how I measured up to it. I was convinced that you grew on your birthday and so I wanted to see where I measured against things like the kitchen table, the fridge, the counter, the phone, the couches, the wall, the doors…  I would say to myself “Well, if the kitchen table comes up to ‘here’ on me today, then yesterday, it must have come up to ‘here’.  Then I would move the hand that was marking my measurements up an entire inch on my body, showing the amazing growth that ensued overnight.  The best part of this story is that I did this with no one else around.  I just talked to myself as I walked around, doing my yearly measurements. 

 And just in case you needed further proof that sometimes I missed the boat entirely, here it is:

When I was three or four, we were living in Saskatchewan.  We went to the same church as my grandparents (dad’s side) and my aunt, uncle and cousins.  I kind of just assumed that we just really liked hanging out with these people and it was the duty of parents to find an older couple that we could call grandpa and grandma.  It kind of confused me as to how we ever found my other set of grandparents (mom’s side), because they didn’t go to our church, but I just figured they saw them at the mall one day and thought they looked like nice people and asked if they would do us the honour of being our grandparents. 

So one day, we were hanging out at my grandparent’s (dad’s side), after church.  My cousins and aunt and uncle were also there (sidenote: I also just assumed that my aunt and uncle also really liked these old people, and so they also asked them to be their kids grandparents –which was good for me, because I had fun with these people I called my “cousins”)   My dad was holding me and I remember asking him “dad, why do you call grandpa and grandma “mom and dad”??)  And he answered “um.  Well Karmyn, because they are my mom and dad.” 

My world, as I knew it exploded.  I was all like “whoa.  So wait a minute.  You have a DAD and a MOM?  Wait….does this mean that those OTHER people I call grandpa and grandma are mom’s mom and dad??  She has a DAD and a MOM?  Hold up…why does Uncle Gordon call these same people dad and mom? Wait – he’s your BROTHER??  You have a family?? And all of those other people I call aunt and uncle – they’re your and mom’s brothers and sisters??”

 I know right? I’m pretty sure I was thinking to my four year old self “karmyn, you really are an idiot”.  But really.  I’d never connected that we were actually related to these people.  Or that my parents came from somewhere. 

 As I said: not always the sharpest knife in the drawer. (But at least I was cute)

Road Tripping

First off, thanks for all the anniversary wishes!  Ben and I both had the morning off, so we slept in, went for a hike and watched a movie.  We parted ways around noon, at which point we both worked late, and then I went home to my parents for the night without Ben. (Romantic eh?)  I went home to see Dustin (my younger bro) graduate from college.  He has worked really hard to get to this point, and it was such a great day, watching him walk across the stage and get his creds.   

To actually celebrate our anniversary, (Other than the fact that really great friends took us out and treated us to a great evening of good food and even better company – thanks Dave and Lisa!)  Ben and I are going to Pittsburgh at the end of the month for a mini-vacation.  (Thursday to Sunday) We’re going to shop at Grove City, and then basically just explore a city that we’ve never been to before **.   

I have been craving a  road  trip for a while now, and I’m pretty excited to load up the car with snacks (and by snacks I mean peanut M & M’s, fruit, and smartfood), books, music, and us, and head down to PA.    I love just driving in an area I’ve never been before, whipping along a highway, taking in the scenery.   

Ben and I often make up games that involve the radio, signs, scenery and stories of us, that help to pass the time. 

I’m usually being a little ADD with the MP3 player, scrolling through songs until I find one that I can sing at the top of my lungs, much to Ben’s chagrin.  (but deep down, I know he thinks Boom Boom Pow is a catchy tune). 

We’ll stop to get gas, stretch our legs, and it’s here that I can usually convince Ben that there IS room in the travel budget for a chocolate bar and an Archie comic.

Whoever isn’t driving will often have created a nest of pillows and sweaters, making the perfect napping location in the passengers seat. 

At some point, I’ll probably get a little bit grumpy at Ben, because for the UMPTEENTH time, he wants a drink/snack from the cooler while he’s driving and I have to leave my comfortable nest and reach around to the back seat and get it for him.  (But then I realize that I’m being selfish and I suck it up…most of the time) 

Sometimes, we’ll try to play Texas Hold’em while we’re driving.  Don’t worry, the passenger always deals. 

And sometimes, we just sit in silence.  And soak in the open road, and each other’s presence. 

When we finally arrive at our hotel, there’s a really good chance that I’ll jump on our bed, just because I can. 

**Ok, internet.  This is where you come in.  I need your help.  What the heck should we do in Pittsburgh?  Are there must see’s/do’s?    If you’ve never been there, then let me know what songs I should be downloading for the trip, or what snacks are a must have for the car ride**

Three.

(See here for Two) 

When Ben and I were dating, I went out to Nova Scotia for a week after school ended for the summer.  We’d been together just about a year at this point, and although I’d met his family, I’d never had a chance to see him on his turf, at his home, in his element. 

 That summer, Ben was going to be heading to Nevada to work at a camp, and in the last few weeks as school wound down, things seemed strained for us.  You know that feeling you sometimes get when something isn’t quite right, and you can’t put your finger on it? Yeah, that was us.  Conversations seemed forced, hang outs were quieter, and although we weren’t at all mad at each other, there just seemed to be something missing.  We kind of chalked it up to the fact that summer was coming and we knew we’d be forced to spend months apart, but deep down, it scared me a little. 

I remember having a conversation with Christy, and telling her that this summer was to be our “make it or break it” summer.  The time when we would be able to tell if absence really made our hearts grow fonder.  

Fast forward a month, and school was done.  I drove out east with Ben, his brother and his grandparents (who had so graciously offered to pick them up from school and drive them home) and started a week of trying to navigate my way through Ben’s world.  It was a great week.  Overwhelming, but great.  (There are a LOT of Bokma’s to meet back home, yo) 

One night during that week Ben and I were hanging out in my room before bed (thanks Rachel for giving up your room!!), and our talk started to move in the direction of  “something’s not quite right. Right?”  To be honest, I can’t remember word for word what we talked about – I mean, when you’re dating, there are SO many conversations that need to be had as you grow and get to know each other.  I do remember, however,  addressing the fact that something seemed off, but then also following it up with “But we’ll know more at the end of the summer.  That’s our test period to see if we’re supposed to be together”.  It’s something we’d sort of unofficially agreed on. The funny thing is though, the conversation didn’t end there.  It kept going.  And Ben started to admit uncertainties he was having too.  And people, that was hard.  Hard to hear.  I mean, as a girl, with feelings, hormones and whatnot, I was often prone in our relationship to go to Ben with “I don’t know about us” talks.  And Ben, being somewhat more stable than I, would patiently listen, hear me out, not laugh at my irrational fears, and then pray with me.  And through those times we grew.  But to hear him say that he wasn’t sure? I didn’t know what to do with that.  If both of us weren’t sure, is that our indication that this needed to end? 

BUT – it didn’t end there either (thankfully).  It turned into a time of utter and complete honesty.  A time where we laid it all out on the table (well, bed, but that’s not really a cliché phrase now is it?)  and pushed each other past our fears and towards truth.  And yes, there were tears (can you guess who’s?)  And yes, for a little bit of that talk my heart felt slightly ripped.  But at the end of it, there was peace.  Peace in having worked through thoughts we didn’t want to have to admit to each other.  Peace in knowing we were ok.  

And it was then, in that exact moment that I knew.  I knew I wanted to marry this man.  Because if we could take a situation filled with fear and uncertainty and turn it into a time of rest, then I knew we’d be alright.  It caught me off guard, because I’d so conditioned myself to not making a decision until the end of summer, but at the core of who I was, I knew Ben was who I should marry. 

People always said “you just KNOW”.  And I didn’t quite believe them.  But that’s how it was.  I just KNEW.  And Ben just knew too.  And we looked at each other at the end of a long night, and I said “I know I want to marry you” and he said “I know I want to marry you too”.

 And now it’s been three years.  Three years since we said vows that we still try hard to live out.  We are different people than the two that sat on Rachel’s bed back when we were dating.  We’re older.  I’d like to think wiser.  And have grown deeper together.  And there have been many more times like the one we had that night.  Times when together, we have had to work through stuff, figure stuff out, fight with each other, fight FOR each other, pray, make decisions that grown up adults have to make, laugh, play, cry, sleep, tease, and love.   And I wouldn’t give any of it back.  And it has been a gift from God to see his hand moving us together, keeping us together and growing us deeper in love. 

 

To Benjy:

Three years goes by fast huh?  This year was different than last, for lots of reasons.  Our jobs changed, our home changed (a few times), our church changed, our cars changed, and I guess, if I’m being honest, my hair is definitely greyer than this time last year. (Sheesh, that’s a post on it’s own – my lament of my rapidly greying hair). 

This year helped me to see that we are pretty good at change.  I love knowing you so well, that when we have a decision to make, I know what you’ll say, and how you’ll say it, and that I can trust you. 

I think we laughed more together this year, and I loved that too.  Our inside jokes, the dumb things we watch together on Youtube, the ways we mock each other, and the times when I try to wrestle you, but it always ends up with me being endlessly tickled and yelling my line “stop! I’m going to throw up!” (I guess by now you know that I won’t actually throw up, but I’m still clinging to the hope that it will scare you into not tickling me for a few moments). 

Did we fight? Yeah, we did. Were there days that I maybe wished I had a bigger place than a 1 bedroom apartment so that I could not be in the same room as you for a few minutes? Yeah, there were.  Did I let you down as a wife? Oh several times I’m sure.

 But beyond all our shortcomings, we have stuck true to putting God back in the middle of things, even when the last thing we want to do is be humble enough to do that.  And that is why I know, just like I did 5 years ago, sitting on Rachel’s bed, that you and me? We’re pretty good together. 

I still choose you. Today. Like I did that night. And like I did three years ago.  You are mine. I am yours.  And just like we talked about the other day, it is only by God’s grace that those words will ring true forever. 

 

Happy Anniversary Benjamin.  

Love, K.