(Wo)Man vs. Beast

So there I was, driving home from jr. high last night, feeling pretty good about things.  The night had gone well, I was all cleaned up earlier than usual, and was  turning off the lights and out the door by 9:02. I was pumped about this because I thought for once, I could catch The Office and see the momentous occasion of Pam and Jim having a baby.  (instead of having to wait until it comes online days later).

I pull onto our street at 9:08, thinking “great!  I’ll really have only missed the opening credits!” and  then I turn into our driveway.  As I wheel the  car in to my spot, my headlights flashed onto a pair of beady eyes staring at me from the lawn right beside where I’m supposed to open my door and get out of the car.

A skunk.  Just sitting there, staring at me.  I s-l-o-w-l-y put the car in reverse (which in retrospect is kind of funny, because the skunk isn’t going to be startled by my movements inside the car…) and back out of the driveway.

It’s a little known fact that I’m actually petrified of skunks.  I’m not too sure why; I’ve never had a bad experience with one.  In fact, I’ve never really encountered them much at all.  I guess –  rightfully so – I just really wouldn’t enjoy being sprayed by one and am afraid of that happening one day.

So there I am, just sitting in the middle of my street, not sure what to do.  I drive around the block a few times, hoping it’ll be gone by the time I get back, but it doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere anytime soon.  It’s digging around like it owns the place, all the while, the clock is ticking, it’s now 9:17 and I’m missing more and more precious minutes of The Office.  I try waiting it out a few more minutes, but at 9:20, I’m realizing that this (not so) little guy isn’t gonna budge. So, I ever-so-lightly honk my horn, just to see what happens.  Well, that sure got its attention.  His head whips up, and up goes the tail….

I start backing up and he relaxes again, and goes back to rolling around in the dirt.  9:23…this is getting ridiculous.  I’m stuck outside my own place because of a stupid little rodent.  I really don’t know what to do.  I contemplate calling someone, but really? What’s that going to accomplish?

So, bravely, I honk my horn again, and again it gets into defensive mode.  I’m safely in my car, but even if it sprays while I’m 1/2 way down the street, that smell is going to permeate our walkway, into my clothes as I eventually will have to walk by, and then, seep into our apartment.

9:26…. there goes catching any of The Office.

By now I’ve effectively been stuck in my car for 20 minutes and decide, well, I can’t sit out here all night.  So, for the third time I honk, and again, it’s head whips up to stare at me, but this time, I’m not backing down.  I honk again. It freezes.  I honk a third time, and that did it.  It turned it’s striped behind right around and waddled away.

Yeah, that’s right.  I own you skunk.  I own you.

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